|
OracleDys
Page history
last edited
by PBworks 18 years, 11 months ago
ThePleasantly Insignificant PREDICTIONS of ORACLE DYS
Fear My Kookie
This page will soon contain Oracle Dys' kooky writings. She thinks she will definitely write a Horoscope section. She might also put a little fortune kookie treat, but maybe not. She's awfully lazy right now, so the rest of the world will just have to imagine what it would be like for the End of the World to be caused by Jell-O, while she tries to shake off the sloth demon parasite from her awfully lazy butt.
I Laughed So Hard I Made A Blackhole
Or, The Single Most Memorable Comment I Ever Gave To Someone in AllPoetry.com
There was this little poem contest held about half a year ago in AP called A Big Adventure: The Waste Land. There was this guy, a Wayne Biro, who wrote a mildly-scandalous, quite hilarious entry called, "OK, Eliot". It drove me crazy because I wasn't expecting to read something like that; after all, "The Waste Land" is a rather 'serious' work, and I myself had written a 'serious' piece for the contest.
As a result, I wrote an effing sci-fied comment. It's really rather geeky, at best, but it's just so memorable. And who knows? Maybe there's a grain of truth in it too. I mean, you've got to admit, for a small world, Earth has got a LOT of thinkers with the wildest imaginations in the whole multiverse. So really, who knows? Maybe the human mind, when once in a blue moon it achieves hyperdrive state out of some fantastically enlightening stimuli, is actually responsible for the creation of stars and blackholes...
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
In response to "OK, Eliot", a Poem by Wayne Biro:
"Eliot! You rascal, you!"
I almost died laughing with this.
"the typist! Oh, you scoundrel!!!"
Now this one really killed me.
"You said, ‘la la’ to the sermon…
bad boy, Eliot!"
Fortunately, this one resurrected me from the clutches of Rat's Alley. OMFG. This was a pleasure to read.
Later, wbiro.
;)
Postscript:
In Intergalactic News - ANOTHER MYSTERIOUS BLACKHOLE opened up quite recently in Sector 79340 of the Delta Quadrant in the Berdooli System of the Solensis Outer Rim Regions. A gaggle of scientific scoutships sent to the rim of this new hole in the universal pocket, named "Margolotha Three-Eckses 3.059" by The Usual Suspected Knowers (the leading experts of Universal Theoretisms And Herpes), reported a steady stream of eerie otherworldly noises coming from the depths of the paradimensional vortex. TUSK recently submitted a translation of the "noises" to the Intergalactic Rotary Surveillance (which is its chief sponsor for this epic project) and Intergalactic News has managed to "acquire" some of the (de)classified data, specifically the recording of the noises translated to the Universal Tongue, Zooon. Without further ado, here it is:
"...LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!"
"And that's about really it," said M. Innonect, who had nothing to do with the "acquiring" of this transliterated recordings. Jimm H. Yendrix, former Galactic Poet and Champion Philo-Theorist Superstar said, "LOLOL? Are you sure!? Oh...this is BIG! This is BIGGER than the UNIVERSE! For I do believe this blackhole is a doorway to the Celestial Shores. Where the World-Turtles lay their eggs and the pineapples of God sing."
"Are you bezoooning me!?" argues Ma Fa Quatee, lead singer of The Best Damn Band In The Universe. "Pineapples don't sing 'lolol'. I'm the lead singer for The Best Damn Band in The Universe, so I should know other beings' songs as well as I know the back of my sixth toe. So I know for sure, and I guarantee that I know it for sure, that pineapples can only sing "Lu-lu-lu-lu!" and never NEVER "LOLOLOL!"
Be it a message from the Greater Spheres, a sign of the End Times, or celestial pineapples singing, Intergalactic News (in cooperation with TUSK) knows for certain that the Universe is listening right now, with question marks on their heads/pillars of wisdom/ knowledge-vacuums/ central stomachs.
by Aneemugnos
- - - - -
In another Universe, in a Planet called Earth, aka The Real World:
A girl had just finished reading the most hilarious "poetical analysis" of T.S. Eliot's "The Wasteland". And she laughed so hard she turned blue, for one second. And in that second, her throat sucked up so much laughter from her belly that it pulled tremendous wind and brain power into a vortex that manifested itself as a blackhole in some other insignificant facsimile of a universe...
End!
END TRANSCRIPT.
Superstitious Wiggins
- The road from my childhood home to the city's main road is strictly "walking distance". The handful of times I ran that stretch, esp. under a beautiful afternoon sky, something really bad happens, like a death in the family.
- Don't sing outright while cooking, if you can help it. Otherwise, you'll never be married to anyone for long.
- Don't write down the things you plan to do or promise yourself to do. Don't utter a single word or hint of it to anyone. Or else, and this works without fail, it will not come to pass. Ever.
Don't Panic!
Where I live, a catastrophe (be it car accident, massacre, or even a monsoon flood) always has three kinds of people: the victims, the volunteers, and the viewers. The viewers tend to be plentiful, and they hold back from the scene only until the media comes along and they're all smiles and waving at the camera.
For some strange reason, I can actually imagine these disaster-area lurkers hanging about the fringes of the Apocalypse. Improbable though it may seem, but the way I see it, someone's gotta help these poor fools to get prepared, and if possible, have the best time of their short lives, before the End. So, here we go...
Top 5 Things to Bring to the Apocalypse, Minus the Popcorn:
- Beach towel (or bath towel) - Just like in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. A towel can be a mat, or in the absence of a good surface, a hood. You can use it to dry yourself down after the world floods over (again), or to keep the hot ash off your face if it rains fire and brimstone, or even acid rain (for a very short while, but far longer than if you had nothing), or even as an added cover against the cold if the world freezes over.
- Saucepan - Never underestimate your need for food. If you get stuck in the wilderness, or if the world ending means civilization as we know it is thrown into the dinosaur pit, then you still need food, and you still gotta cook. Lots of people take for granted the need for a decent saucepan. But without it, where will you cook? Are you going to fry your eggs on a smooth rock like how Princess Fiona did in Shrek? Don't ever think you'd be content with just gnawing raw vegetables and eating roasted squirrel on a stick forever! No! What about the soup? Everyone's gotta have soup, especially during cold rainy days. And, as an added bonus, you can always use the saucepan to bludgeon, well, not big beasts, but maybe the small (probably cute) ones.
Further note, a saucepan is essential for cooking popcorn. Man cannot live (through the Apocalypse) with a bag of popcorn alone.
- A BIG, FRIGGIN KNIFE - A bolo would do. Actually, _any_ sharp blade with a sturdy handle would do. Most useful for cutting hair (if surviving the end of the world requires an offering of hair from all humans to the alien overlords), for shaving beards and/or legs (if the End of the World As We Know It takes more than 24 hours, esp. so that last kiss goodbye won't give your partner stubble burns, hoho), and for chopping heads off (if the end of the world's got a lot of zombies--although probably sticking the knife in your vitals would save you the excruciating agony of being eaten by zombies*).
*Almost all the movies I've watched my whole life with zombies in them have the kind that enjoy eating live humans. I really don't know where this idea of cannibal zombies originated, and I think it's sick and twisted, but I honestly cannot imagine not-cannibal zombies easily. It's, like, become the norm for zombies.
- Torch - Everyone keeps suggesting flashlights. Well, honestly, what if the end of the world means Absolute Darkness? I don't believe a measley flashlight (even if it's the standard issue for cops) would do the trick. A real torch (the kind you see in medieval-era movies and Indiana Jones flicks), on the other hand, has FIRE, and fire is a real and tangible thing. So maybe it won't pierce the dark completely, but at least you'll have light _and_ warmth. Plus, if there's any zombies or lizard men or other hellish creatures, you'll be able to drive them back effectively with your handy torch. So, my advice: as soon as possible, make it a point to keep a torch in your closet, just in case.
Note: How to light your torch? --Oh please, don't be a complete moron! Stow a matchbox or lighter in the cloth part of your torch. It's that simple. Otherwise all you have is a stick. If the Apocalypse doesn't have Total Blackout in its arsenal, then at least you can use it as a fairly good whacker. And also, if the end of the world means the disappearance of soap and detergent (in all forms, along with potential ingredients), then at least you can use your torch as a beating stick for your laundry, like how the (American) Indians did it.
and finally...
- Your Palm Pilot - Okay, this one's really just optional. It can also be a book, or if you have one, a digital camera--the type that is savvy enough to customize pics directly. But the thing is, you'd really want a Palm Pilot for its flexibility. Of course, it's the savvy kind of Palm Pilot--with a camera, voice-mail capability, and most importantly, a tiny palmdoc e-book library, preferrably with Divine Comedy, stored in it. The camera is for taking pictures of the sun that's-gone-supernova-before-dwarfing to admire, the voice-mail is for sending your last messages ever to your loved ones overseas, and the e-book library is for passing the remaining minutes before the End reading your most favourite novel/poem/etc. of all time. (ha!) Or if you can't decide on what to read, then that's why The Divine Comedy is in there too.
If however the end of the world means total wipeout of all electromagnetic waves, practically rendering the Age of Technology six feet under forever, then a book would be a better 5th. Not necessarily Divine Comedy though, as maybe you wouldn't like to be reminded of Hell some more. War and Peace, big lunky thing that it is, would seem at first as a sensible choice to while away the days of ennui, but I think if electricity ceased to exist, then there's definitely going to be another World War, a bloodier one, and darker too, literally.
Note: All these things, if you noticed, can be used in a picnic. Or, well, a Hawaiian Tiki-themed picnic.
bored people have come and gone through this page,
slipping away like light through the jalousies...
Have a confession? Did you like this site? Or do you hate it, and hate the guts of whoever came up with it? So. Come and nag to your heart's content. Or, you could drop by my new guestbook c/o the beautiful people of Ur I.T. Mate Group. People who give feedback are good, conscientious people.
OracleDys
|
Tip: To turn text into a link, highlight the text, then click on a page or file from the list above.
|
|
|
|
|
Comments (0)
You don't have permission to comment on this page.